I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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