you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
