return my video game
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
