so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
