At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
