Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
