I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
