i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
