Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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