Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
