I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
