No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't deserve a penis
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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