my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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