i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
