when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
