I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
