I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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