listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
