therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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