I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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