i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
