I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
