Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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