So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
