Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
