i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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