you would pick up someone in the library
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
