Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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