okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
