I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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