His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
