my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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