i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
