I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
