the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
