all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
