sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
