you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
