Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
