I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
