Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a hot homeless man
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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