pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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