Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
