There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
