my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
