I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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