I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
