She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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