I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
