I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
