Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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