his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
